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Forgiveness | virtue and strength
“Forgiveness is a full time job, and sometimes very difficult.” Marianne Williamson
Forgiveness is not easy, we can all agree to that, but when it comes to our happiness we have to.
Life turns out is no walk in the park, from childhood to adulthood, in every area of our life we hurt.
Every incident leaves its mark, their memory is stored away deep inside, and we carry them around.
Some emotional and physical scars won’t heal, some we’re not conscious of, still we feel their pain.
Grief is heavy
This is not living, nor is it caring for ourselves as we should, it is the source of our present suffering.
We might resist the idea of letting go of the past, because we think the past is part of who we are.
Forgive and forget may sound offensive as it seems to rob us of justice, to downplay what happened.
In truth, forgiveness is an act of true love, of self-love, one that calls for courage and understanding.
Reclaim your innocence
“Forgiveness allows us to recapture some part of ourselves that we left behind in bondage to a past event.” Sharon Salzberg, Jon Kabat-Zinn
Undeniably events of betrayal, abuse and disloyalty have one thing in common, they shatter our trust.
As we move through them, we lose our innocence, our sense of security, and our feeling of belonging.
The expression of our pain arises in feelings of despair, grief, resentment, anger, but most of all fear.
If they are left untreated, they grow, the more space they take the warier we become, we close off.
We want retribution.
The longer we let it brew the stronger it gets, thoughts spin out of control, and more negative feelings follow.
If we’re not mindful, it won’t be long before we think of revenge and payback, there goes our peace of mind.
A bruised ego is dangerous, it leads us to act in ways we wouldn’t otherwise, it is the one to blame.
We demand apologies, justice, but in truth we would prefer not having made the experience at all.
Forgive for your own good
“Forgiveness clears the heart of resentment and blame.” Norman Fisher
Unfortunately, what is done is done and most often than not we are left dealing with our hurt.
Failing to receive a proper apology can only make worse how we feel, the deeper the offence the harder it is.
Instead of allowing the pain to take over, we should remember that it is a destructive force which makes you suffer.
When negative feelings are around, you can’t be happy nor can you enjoy life, that’s not what we want.
Think of your wellbeing
Whatever you do, do not let the victim in you take the wheel, think of yourself for a moment.
Wallowing in self-pity won’t repair the damage, in fact it will only allow the event to stay, to invite more pain.
Now think of an alternative, one that will give you control over what you are feeling, consider forgiving.
Unburden yourself of the weight, decide that whatever happened is not worth your peace of mind.
Be patient
“When you are truly patient and tolerant, then forgiveness comes naturally.” Dalai Lama
People often say forgiveness takes time, there needs to be a certain readiness, so we need to be patient.
If we’re not resilient enough and all we can feel is the hurt, we should give ourselves time to breathe.
But at the same time, the longer we’ll carry around our past hurt, the harder we’ll resist letting go.
Thus, we should not put off our looking into our feelings, observing our thoughts, bringing ourselves to understanding.
Be tolerant
We might think that reliving a past event will only trigger further suffering, it won’t if we do that mindfully.
Remind yourself that what happened is done, the feelings attached to the memory are just passing.
Becoming tolerant of our own negative feelings takes work, we need to be able to distance ourselves a little.
We are practicing self-care, by willingfully inviting our feelings to take a breather, we participate in our own healing process.
Forgiveness is empowering
“Forgiveness is simply an act of the heart, a movement to let go of the pain, the resentment, the outrage that you have carried as a burden for so long.” Jack Kornfield
As daunting as it maybe, once we’ve managed to see through one painful event, our level of confidence raises.
Realizing that we are capable of putting behind us the very thing that caused us grief is empowering.
We get a taste of freedom, the moment we grasp that we’re as much able to hold on as we are to let go.
Making the choice to turn the page, doesn’t mean we justify the wrongs that were done to us, not at all.
Let bygones be bygones
We accept the experience and choose to let it go because it does not serve our present, we make space.
The alternative has us trapped in the past, surrounded by the memories, the thoughts and emotions it generates.
If we are not mindful, we are likely to keep on feeding our resentment and inflict more pain upon yourselves.
Yes, we have been wronged, there is no denying it but that does not mean we should keep on hurting forever.
Karma takes care
“According to the natural law of karma, if you hurt others, you hurt yourself.” Thubten Yeshe, Nicholas Ribush, Thubten Zopa
Knowing that our actions in body speech and mind carry results can be useful when we have a hard time forgiving.
The law of cause and effect is clear, whatever you do, good and bad, brings about outcomes of the same nature.
Therefore, if you have been ill-treated intentionally or unintentionally, you can be sure the culprit will experience the same.
It might not be instantaneous, but when the terms and conditions are right fruition will come about.
Forgiveness is virtue
Instead of creating bad karma for ourselves by entertaining thoughts our revenges, we should let life take care.
What we want is to make sure that on our end we keep on planting seeds that will bring forth beneficial results.
Be careful not to rejoice at the idea that our abuser will get what is coming, we can do better than that.
We can take the high road, choose to forgive knowing that is a virtuous act, one that brings about good.
Look with Compassion
“When we suffer we make those around us suffer.” Thich Nhat Hanh
Can we in all honesty say we’ve never hurt someone else before? Willfully or not haven’t we said the wrong thing?
We make mistakes, we take the wrong course of action because most of the time we do not know better.
Does it mean we shouldn’t forgive ourselves for the mistakes we made, should we go about with guilt in our hearts?
Or we could simply acknowledge the fact that we are humans, bound to make errors of judgement, from time to time.
Bring about understanding
Look at your past mistakes, were they not the result of your confusion, your missteps the outcome of your misconceptions.
Our forgetfulness is the source of the problem, if we were to pay more attention, we’d surely stay out of troubles.
But then again suffering is suffering whether we meant it or not, pain is pain no matter where you stand.
Realizing that ignorance drives our impulses, we can start to forgive ourselves and others for not being perfect.
Practice forgiveness
“Forgiveness is holiness; by forgiveness the universe is held together.” Paramhansa Yogananda
Forgiveness needs to be practiced, because we are not used to the idea, we need to teach ourselves.
We have to invite forgiveness in our hearts and mind and practice it as we go about our meeting with life.
None of us should ever feel the weight of guilt nor the pain caused by lack of better judgement, yet it happens.
By the way of our practice, we remind ourselves that we intend to do better, we commit to nonviolence.
Let go of yourself
By now your Ego will be shouting, NO WAY! NO WAY I FORGIVE! NO WAY I FORGET!, that’s expected.
But if you want to stop hurting, consider the story from a neutral perspective or better yet trade places with your offender.
Look at it, forgiveness is not about rushing to let go, it is about being patient and compassionate towards life itself.
Think, we all hurt ourselves and others by accident, we all inadvertently cause pain, we all deserve forgiveness because we’re humanॐ.
Nathalie Bizawi, founder of Wisdom & Mindfulness meditation center. Senior Meditation, Mindfulness and philosophy instructor, From Wingate Academic College. M.A in Education from TAU University, Tel Aviv.
Wisdom & Mindfulness your meditation center in Tel Aviv