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Right speech | watch your mouth
“The Buddha divides right speech into four components: abstaining from false speech, abstaining from slanderous speech, abstaining from harsh speech, and abstaining from idle chatter.” Bhikkhu Bodhi
The practice of right speech is listed 3rd in the eightfold paths of liberation, Buddha’s middle way.
Following right view and right thought, the practice asks that we do not use words lightly.
What does that mean? We try to be truthful yet never hurtful, we don’t boast nor mislead, we refrain from gossip.
How do we do that? We stay connected, because for our filters to work our attention is needed.
That’s it?
Think of the number of words you use in a day, not just spoken, those you say to yourself too.
Thousands of words come in and out our mind and mouth, yet most are not really under our command.
We blurt out responses without thinking about it, we’re thoughtless even with the most sensitive issues.
Anxiety, stress and frustrations tend to precipitate our reactions, that’s where we’re most vulnerable to a slip of the tongue.
Words go both ways
“The words or actions of others can wound us as much as any weapon.” Pema Chodron
Human beings differ greatly when it comes to their use of vocabulary and bodily expressions.
Yet, rarely do we prep or check before we approach someone, we expect others to get our style.
Every now and then, we make a blunder, because we didn’t take into account the feelings of others.
We are all more or less sensitive, even when no harm is meant it does not mean it does not hurt.
Once it’s out it’s out!
Words can have devastating effects even if your heart is in the right place, so think before you speak.
Ultimately our personal and professional relationships are dependent on our ability to connect, never forget some things you can’t take back.
People respond better when they feel they’re not being judged, pressed or forced, go with diplomacy.
The practice of right speech helps us soften our approach, edit, rephrase, set the right intonation.
What do you mean?
“The meaning is not in the words.” Zen Poem
The same as some expressions trigger us so does the tone of voice and overall demeanor.
What one understands may be light years away from what we meant because our pitch was wrong.
Similarly, the manner with which we use our body to strengthen a point can be misperceived.
At the most basic level we may speak the same language yet it doesn’t guarantee understanding.
My version or else!
Usually, we take for granted that we share the same dictionary but are we’re on the same page?
Even the most powerful message won’t get across if we’re disconnected from the audience, tune in.
We use the practice of mindfulness to anchor ourselves so we don’t get lost, and stay mindful of the exchange.
Alertness allows us to make sure we don’t spark discomfort and offers us the opportunity to put it another way.
Put it nicely
“We check inwardly ‘Could these words be disturbing? Could they create unhappiness?’” Geshe Kelsang Gyatso
How our message is received hinges on our ability to express ourselves in a way that doesn’t irritate.
Now we may argue that it may stand for pleasant tête-à-têtes but not for unfriendly discussions, but…
It doesn’t matter whether or not what we have to say is nice or not, we should refrain from causing offence.
Our attitude makes all the difference in the world, we ought to be motivated by one thing, nonviolence.
Practice Nonaggression
Most of us are uncomfortable tackling difficult issues because it arouses negative emotions like anger and fear.
We’d rather “take it to the grave” rather than face the problem, because we dread it may reveal our vulnerability.
Even in the midst of tensions, the second you feel you’re a step away from exploding, breathe deep.
Don’t let it bottle up, unsettled subjects are poison to the mind, speak your truth but thoughtfully.
Inner talk counts
“We must pay attention to our use of language and how it impacts our mind.” Dzogchen Ponlop
Trials leave traces in our store memory and that is especially true with what we deem negative.
Past injustices have the power to hijack our thoughts, trigger our nervous system, thus affect our present.
Hence, there’s nothing worse than a quarrel left unresolved, grief is hard to shake off once it settles in.
That’s why we must pay attention, our ranting mind is just what we need to practice what we preach.
Right speech | filters On
When it comes to our wellbeing, a balanced diet, exercise, and good rest are often prescribed.
But that’s not enough, if we want to fully take care of ourselves, we have to consider mental hygiene.
Just as we don’t carelessly stuff our bellies, we ought to watch what goes in and out of our mind.
Remember, we need to be extra careful, the words we feed ourselves make the world we experience.
Words are what I make them to be
“When you hear pleasant or unpleasant words, understand them to be an empty resounding, like an echo.” Padmasambhava
Some of us may have a harder time with certain remarks because they bring about emotional responses.
Our mind has awareness even when we’re not really paying attention, it stirs uncomfortable feelings.
It’s up to us to respond mindfully, to remind ourselves we have a choice to make, to give in or not.
If we let the current of thought go the direction it pleases, we will surely fall to the call of discontent.
Take a fresh look
Instead of reacting impulsively, take to heart the advice of the wise, look at words as a collection of letters.
Stripping a word of its meaning, we can see it as it is, an arrangement of symbols that make sound.
Once we’ve opened our eyes to that fact, no matter how bad it sounds, it has no longer power over us.
Neutralizing the emotional charge of words implies skill, the ability to see things beyond the personal arena.
Right speech | is this the way?
“Right Speech is based on Right Thinking. Speech is the way for our thinking to express itself aloud.” Thich Nhat Hanh
Ever witnessed of a simple interchange turn volatile? It does not take much really, like the spark that produces brushfire.
The saying says “Silence is true wisdom’s best reply”, why? because misunderstandings can turn beautiful relationships into battlegrounds.
A lot is as stake thus to ensure harmony, we must set the right motivation, one that inspire practice.
Guided by correct understanding and right motivation, our thoughts follow suit, this helps our work.
Make the switch
Wisdom comes with experience, to assist the effort in mastering the art of right speech, we use meditation to further insight.
How does sitting in stillness can possibly help? A neutral setting is best when you’re experimenting.
Away from the emotionality that comes with a face to face, we can take the time and see how it feels.
Using techniques taught by great masters, we practice trading place, recall or compassion to steer us.
No one welcomes hurtful speech, so put your emotions aside, let the words resound, if it doesn’t sound good swap. ?
Nathalie Bizawi, founder of Wisdom & Mindfulness meditation center. Senior Meditation, Mindfulness and philosophy instructor, From Wingate Academic College. M.A in Education from TAU University, Tel Aviv.
Wisdom & Mindfulness your meditation center in Tel Aviv