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Jealousy can change you
“Your jealousy is not an idea!” Lama Yeshe
Jealousy is defined as a feeling of unhappiness and anger because someone has something or someone that you want.
We all experience it from time to time, when we’re faced with objects of desire that seem out of reach.
Its first sprouts present themselves in infancy so one could say that it is a natural human tendency.
Once the boundary is made between me and others, what’s mine and theirs become the ground for it to grow.
There’s always something…
Jealousy is a common feeling, one that may be unavoidable since there’s no such thing as having it all.
Left unattended it can grow out of proportion and bring about an array of negative feelings that will drive destructive behaviors.
Since jealousy has what it takes to poison our friendships and damage our relationships, we should do something about it.
The sooner we’re willing to look at it without judgment, the better equipped we will be to deal with it intelligently.
Jealous by comparison
“Jealousy is comparison. And we have been taught to compare, we have been conditioned to compare, always compare.” Osho
One main function of our mind is to compare whatever it meets both inside and outside ourselves.
That’s how our mind makes sense of the world and helps us inform decisions and adjust our behaviors.
Although the comparative mechanism comes in handy when it comes to social interactions, it can at times go too far.
Particularly when it is reinforced by unhealthy habits such as perfectionism, judgment, criticism, guilt and blame.
The grass is always greener somewhere
Since the perception of ourselves relies on comparison, it’s no wonder we fall victim to jealous feelings.
Especially if we entertain notions of success and failure, if we’re caught up in stereotypes and ideals about happiness.
Ultimately our subjective view of the world and of ourselves is what makes us vulnerable to jealousy.
So, the more we consider our condition as lacking, the more we’re susceptible to feel what we are or have isn’t enough.
From grief springs jealousy
“Jealousy implies dissatisfaction with what you are and envy of others, does it not?” Jiddu Krishnamurti
We constantly compare ourselves to our parents, to our siblings and children, to our neighbors and our peers.
When we find we don’t measure up, that gives rise to inner conflicts which if not acknowledged will resonate.
The negativities they arouse, if nurtured, serve as hooks that will take our mind on an emotional ride.
The sway of jealous thoughts destabilizes your mind, challenges your sense of self-confidence, and breeds fear.
Jealousy in conflict
We might think that suppressing the thoughts and the feelings they generate will help quiet them down, but think again.
Denying their existence won’t do any good either, any resistance we’ll try to apply will strengthen them.
They’ll permeate in subtle ways and find their way out one way or another, thus sooner or later affecting our reactions.
What do we do? We look at these straight on and own up to what they conceal as ugly as it might be.
Pride and jealousy go hand in hand
“We are all capable of being jealous of what others have and equally capable of reasoning that we have more right to it than they do and entitled to harm them to get it.” Lama Zopa Rinpoche, Gordon McDougall
Think about what you cherish or want, now bring up what others have and you don’t, look deeply…
Let the feeling of jealousy grow in you, doesn’t it conceal a deep-seated belief that you deserve it?
While desires seem to trigger the feeling, these take their source in the egoic mind, one that’s never satisfied.
No matter what it is, our mind is set to hold on its possessions and look for more, no one is immune.
Miserably jealous
It is nobody’s fault we’re attached to our property and shouldn’t feel guilt for wanting to better our conditions.
The problem is when our mind’s natural propensities at grasping and craving provoke feelings of jealousy.
That’s where our troubles start, making us overly possessive, suspicious, envious and downright miserable.
Instead of feeling gratitude and joy for what we’ve already achieved and attained, we turn paranoid and bitter.
Watch out for what weakens you
“Don’t be jealous of others; jealousy leaves a sour taste in your mouth.” Hsuan Hua
We have to be careful when it comes to the entertainment we seek, as it often adds to the lacking mind.
Reality TV, advertisements and success stories are full of glam but they only show parts of the whole story.
Though these may give you a taste of what you wish your life could be like, they hide an ugly truth.
That is, powerful people and celebrities are as prone to jealousy as any other living being, if not more.
There’s nothing to be jealous about
As a rule, having leads to grasping the same as not having results in craving, both generate jealousy.
Not only that, our feeding fantasies about this and that aggravates the ‘not good enough’ mentality.
Next time you find yourself busy contemplating the life of the rich and famous, be watchful of your mind.
Jealous thoughts are bound to come up but that does not mean you have to get all worked up about it.
Transforming the jealous mind
“The jealousy is not us, it is not ourselves, it is simply something very disadvantageous that is arising.” Norman Fisher
We are not our thoughts, we are not our emotions, it is in our mind that these come about and go.
Our mind accommodates everything, it is the ground for beauty and ugliness, the good and the bad.
Only awareness of its content makes transformation possible, all within it can change with some work.
Mind training and meditation are meant to help us do just that, to turn unhelpful emotions into wisdom.
Whatever you find it’s fine
Meditation serves as a mirror; it allows us to look at what our mind conceals so we can deal with it.
None of us are perfect and we may have a hard time acknowledging our jealous side, but it’s a must.
At the beginning you may feel uneasy calling forth strong emotions because you’re used to hold back those parts, but it is worthwhile.
Given their hold on our life’s experiences and ultimately our futures, we have to be willing to face all of it.
Remember, jealousy can turn into all accomplishing wisdom, knowing what needs to be done and that is our ultimate aim.
Nathalie Bizawi, founder of Wisdom & Mindfulness meditation center. Senior Meditation, Mindfulness and philosophy instructor, From Wingate Academic College. M.A in Education from TAU University, Tel Aviv.
Wisdom & Mindfulness your meditation center in Tel Aviv