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The 3 types of patience
“Patience means that we have a flowing relationship with the world, that we do not fight anything.” Chogyam Trungpa, Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche
Patience is defined as the ability to bear discomfort and taking on hardships without reacting.
But… Why is it that we’re able to show composure in certain situations and loose it in others?
Why is it that despite our best effort we turn frustrated at the first itch on the road?
And why is it that we often fall into doubt at the first sign of uncertainty?
Well, Buddhist mind training sees patience as a quality of the mind, one that develops into three types.
The first is the ability to withstand the hurts we suffer by the hand of strangers and loved-ones.
The second is the willingness to bare suffering whether it arises as slight discomfort or agonizing pain.
The last is the forbearance that allows us to build self-confidence on the path we are travelling on.
Each are made to serve and complement the other, one builds on the other and the process takes work.
Cultivate the art of waiting
“Learning patience is a matter of finding peace and balance with the unresolved or unsatisfactory when there is nothing that can be done except to wait it out.” Taigen Dan Leighton, Joan Halifax
Having the patience and resilience to see things through is a skill that can be taught and nurtured.
None of us really starts from scratch, we’ve all faced situations where we had no choice but be patient.
But our ability to stay our reaction, delay gratification and cope emotionally need some fine tuning.
It begins with our learning to identify our discomfort, our impatience and its signals as they come-up.
We observe as our nervousness unfolds, we don’t let it overwhelm us, we keep conscious of the results.
The practice demands courage, it requires that we face our emotions without losing our cool.
That’s where wisdom comes in, holding the right view of the situation helps curb the impulse to respond.
So we work at growing our ability to bear difficulties by adding to it a measure of mindful understanding.
Combining to our work meditation techniques serves to support us and adds to our emotional resilience.
It takes a degree of resolution but it is worth the effort, the more patient we become the happier we get.
Get comfortable no matter what
“Only those people whom we know and who create problems for us really provide us with a good opportunity to practice tolerance and patience.” Dalai Lama
Mind training is aimed at using whatever we’re facing as a source of strength, thus everything is turned into an opportunity.
We cannot shield ourselves from unprovoked attack, unwarranted anger, uneducated judgment, or undue criticism, but we can learn to better react.
Patterns of self-defense responses are triggered because of our sensitivity to certain ideas and concepts.
The closer to home it is the more emotional we get and it comes at the cost of our thinking rationally.
So instead of losing our balance, we choose not to take things personally, we choose to take away their power.
That’s where mindfulness comes in handy, our being aware of our mindset allows space for us to revise course.
Occasions to practice are plenty…
Most of us dread waiting, standing in line easily gets on our nerves, and being stuck in traffic turns torture.
Our time is precious but instead of getting annoyed we can use these to our advantage.
They are perfect opportunities to watch closely how our mind shifts from calm to nervousness, how it affects our whole being.
We see every situation as a chance to practice; the more we do the more comfortable we get in the uncomfortable.
Keeping calm despite the ups and down of life and its setbacks is our goal, we don’t let negativity set in.
Beware of impatience
“Become aware of impatience as it arises during the day.” Jan Chozen Bays
The untrained mind is prone to impatience, when a problem arises it is fast to send cues that scream, “Fix it!”
It may express itself as a sense of urgency in the body or as mental chatter that shouts louder and louder.
Finding the fastest way out becomes the object of our attention and everything that comes up revolves around it.
The pressure compels us to react, thus we act before we think and more often than not, end up regretting it.
We can let our impatience get the best of us or we take the lead…
To counter the impulse and avoid falling in the trap of impatience we need to develop strength of mind.
At first our mind needs constant supervision as we easily revert to our habit responses, hence the need to practice daily.
Staying mindful as we go about allows us to pick up the signals and identify the call to retreat or move.
Recognizing that impatience is at work, we distance ourselves from the problem, and call-up the rational mind to sit on it.
We listen to the ranting mind piling up complaints without judgment; we observe as it pushes towards one strategy or another.
Meditating on a problem helps us change our vantage point, see things clearly from different angles, and explore the situation calmly.
Great Patience
“To make our mind happy, we need to have patience.” Lama Zopa Rinpoche, Gordon McDougall
Going beyond withstanding the agitated mind, we aspire at becoming unshakable at all times.
It takes discipline and a resolute mind, one set on doing what it takes to keep the peace.
Committing to the practice, we cultivate a patient attitude towards situations involving ourselves and others.
So we apply ourselves at moderating our responses, we work at disciplining our wants and expectations.
Internalizing that our journey whether worldly or spiritual is bound to know delays, failures and resistance, we can relax.
It takes one to change the situation around…
Being patient is a virtue, one that helps us move through moments of anger, humiliation and disappointments with grace.
To avoid having people and events throw us off, we remember that our only control is found in self-control.
We show strength of character and lead by example every time we step back and take a breath.
Keeping steady does not happen right away, for some it takes more efforts than others; that’s OK there’s no rush.
The more we practice the more our confidence grows and by and by our struggles turn less threatening.
In fact, seeing that patience pays out, we’re glad to turn our experiences into an exercise in maintaining an imperturbable mind.
Life is abundant with opportunities to practice, we are free to make that choice and when we do we win.
Stay soft, welcome patience in your life, a patient mind leads to freedom and that’s our ultimate gift❣️
Nathalie Bizawi, founder of Wisdom & Mindfulness meditation center. Senior Meditation, Mindfulness and philosophy instructor, From Wingate Academic College. M.A in Education from TAU University, Tel Aviv.
Wisdom & Mindfulness your meditation center in Tel Aviv