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Dissatisfaction | A fact of life
“As long as the ocean of dissatisfaction remains within you, the slightest change in the environment can be enough to bring out a problem.” Lama Thubten Yeshe, Nicholas Ribush
Dissatisfaction is defined as a state of being unsatisfied, and like all states of mind it stands on a continuum.
Just as we are more or less happy, the same goes with dissatisfaction, our mood isn’t something fixed.
If we could choose our mindset, we would rather stick with the happy ones, unfortunately we can’t.
However, what we can count on is to experience discontent, like a dark cloud that comes and goes.
A chronic condition
When our needs are not met or when a situation does not match our expectations, frustration hits the fan.
That’s why the Buddhist tradition lists dissatisfaction as the sixth suffering, as well as a mark of existence.
Suffering (Dukkha) too sits on a spectrum, on one extreme there is anguish and sorrow, on the other dissatisfaction and irritation.
All human beings are susceptible to experience episodes of discontent, question is how we confront them.
A dissatisfied Mind
“The dissatisfied mind is the fundamental element of human nature. We’re dissatisfied with ourselves; we’re dissatisfied with the outside world.” Lama Thubten Yeshe, Nicholas Ribush
According to the teachings, dissatisfaction is part of our human psychological make up, we’re molded that way.
Our mind is wired to compare, evaluate and look for flaws, spot what’s missing and identify anomalies.
Whatever we meet goes through the process, all this happens at great speed, without our being the least involved.
Since no matter how good things are, nothing is ever really perfect, we’re triggered because our mind sees reason for it.
From intrinsic to habit
Not only we’re prone to discontent, we’ve managed to reinforce the tendency by making a habit of it.
As a result, most of us live through the pain of continual disquiet, because there’s always something.
Yet we differ as individuals, the threshold of dissatisfaction is not the same for everyone, nor do we respond the same.
But we are all under the hold of the same mechanisms, strengthened by what the Buddha calls delusions.
Like a shadow
“Our continuous agitation reveals a low-level dissatisfaction that never entirely ceases except for a few peak moments here and there.” Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, Helen Tworkov
If general displeasure seems to follow you around, don’t brush it off, do not admit defeat, take care.
Prevalent dissatisfaction is all-pervading pain, it expresses itself in mental agitation, mind wandering, anger and even hatred.
Some of us may be predisposed to the feeling because of our upbringing, life experiences, education, beliefs, or character.
None the less having discontent for a companion is tiring, it robs you of moments of joy, and pollutes the environment.
Get it into your head
Dissatisfaction is universal, it concerns us all, rich or poor, thin and fat, tall or short, young and old.
We’re all visited by the gloominess of discontent, sometimes it’s very subtle and sometimes loud.
The longer it sets the more present and solid it becomes, oppressing us, that’s when thoughts of giving up come up.
Dissatisfaction can be heavy to carry, making our waking hours hard to bear and disturbing our nights.
What you focus on grows
“Don’t blame your sense of dissatisfaction, pain, and misery on somebody else, and do not try to lay your power trips on others.” Chogyam Trungpa
Constant dissatisfaction is no way to live, but who’s to blame for our problems? Our flawed self or the world outside?
Given our mindsets are sparked by the dictates of our mind, we begin our investigation there.
Mental processing is not infallible, not only that, it is extremely biased, actively looking for faults.
So, before we buy into feelings, we want to make sure they’re are founded, don’t let it breed and grow.
It’s time for a reality check
Everything we crave, all that we’re attached to is bound to fail us because it can never meet our expectations.
Whether we’re dissatisfied with ourselves, our work, our spouse, our country or politics it amounts to just the same.
It is not the outside world we should worry about, but our misguided understanding and unrealistic hopes.
What we fail to see as it is, what we refuse to accept, becomes cause for frustration and irritability.
Change your focus
“Much of our dissatisfaction with life will disappear, and many simple joys will emerge, if we can learn to be present with things just as they are.” Jan Chozen Bays MD
Most of us get caught up in the internal conversations that pop up in our mind, especially when it comes to discontent.
The problem is that we’re busy with our thoughts we’re not really present, we’re somewhere in the past or the future.
All the while, life passes you by, you miss out on the good stuff, simple moments of joy available now.
Even though we know we cannot rewrite the past, nor predict the future, we go along with the sinking feeling.
Dissatisfaction – Snap out of it
Gladly, there is wisdom and method to help us out of that jam, only the trick is to use it!
The past is gone, instead of reminiscing what was, be thankful for what you have in the present moment.
The future is unknown, wishful thinking is not productive until you’re active, so do with what you’ve got.
Take charge of your dissatisfaction, make the changes you can, all you need is to stay present and keep going.
Dissatisfaction | Look at the cause
“Giving up the eight worldly concerns, the sun of happiness shines.” Tsangnyon Heruka, Donald S. Lopez, Andrew Quintman
Indeed, you may be convinced you have every right to feel dissatisfied, but the teachings will tell you…
If you take a moment to explore the reason behind it, you’ll find that it has everything to do with you.
Our discontent revolves around what we feel we’re entitled to but can’t get or keep. Specifically, comfort, praise, fame, gain.
But do we stop to think whether or not our demands are realistic? rarely. Equally, do we consider our role in that?
Let’s be frank
We may be middle-aged or barely out of school, yet we are affected by the same common concerns.
Truly, are we reasonable when it comes to our prospects? Make a list, what do you think?
An untrained mind is childish, it points, demands and cries out, until it gets and for a while all is well…
Just like candy, those things we badly want make us happy briefly, that implies satisfaction too is short-lived.
Don’t get discouraged
“The way of seeking happiness in life is not following the dissatisfied mind, desire.” Lama Zopa Rinpoche, Gordon McDougall
Under the lens of Buddhism nothing stands the test of time, nothing is as we perceive, nothing…
You may be tempted and think, if there is no security all the more reasons to be dissatisfied right?
If everything is temporary what’s the point you may say, do not get depressed, this is good news.
It means that every moment is open to change, you only need to stop listening to the mind.
Don’t Forfeit
Dissatisfaction leads nowhere, it only creates disturbances in your day to day and it is very loud.
How do we turn it off? We don’t, we learn to sit with it, breathe with it, we take a good look at it.
Our mind can be very persuasive, it will serve us with 101 reasons why you should be displeased.
The more we go along with it the harder it gets to snap out of it, turn down the volume, tune-out.
Dissatisfaction | Do not get involved
“The unrest you experience in your body and mind is not the real problem, it is symptomatic of the extent to which your whole psychosomatic system is out of tune.” B. Alan Wallace Ph.D., Daniel Goleman
Our mind does not need our assistance to create unrest, we get caught up easily, thus our response is key.
In fact, when our nervous system is triggered, body and mind steam-up, nervousness sets in, our head spins.
So, stay mindful of the what’s going on, do not neglect it, acknowledge discontent is trying its way in.
Do breathing exercises to appease the tension in your body, step back, pay attention without judgment, what’s on your mind?
Let’s have a sit down
There are plenty of techniques and approaches to address dissatisfaction, find what works for you.
Meditation offers us the way, the space and conditions that make dealing with it very effective.
Bring back some quiet, use mindfulness techniques, bring your attention to your breath, help your mind settle down.
Move to insight mediation, observe your thoughts, is there truth behind it? Let go of childish aims.
Going through a flash of dissatisfaction? Sit, take a few minutes, change your angle, shift perspectives, be wise, think change ㋡
Nathalie Bizawi, founder of Wisdom & Mindfulness meditation center. Senior Meditation, Mindfulness and philosophy instructor, From Wingate Academic College. M.A in Education from TAU University, Tel Aviv.
Wisdom & Mindfulness your meditation center in Tel Aviv