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Conflicting emotions of pride
“The nature of emotional pride is such that you go around with your nose in the air.” Lama Yeshe, Nicholas Ribush
People tend to react differently when the issue of pride comes up, some shy away from it while others commend it.
The very mention of pride seems to trigger a reaction in the body; We often change posture unconsciously.
Our bodily response does not read the same, it may conceal our discomfort with the subject or point to the contrary.
More often than not we’re met with mix emotions when it comes to pride, maybe because it means different things.
The definition of pride is trifold, first it relates to the satisfaction one feels when a job is well done.
Second it refers to our own sense of self-worth and lastly it shows one’s feeling of self-importance.
In short, we pride ourselves for doing so and so, being so and so and for appearing so and so…
There is nothing wrong with feeling proud of yourself, but if pride makes you blind it becomes a problem.
Pride and Prejudice
“Pride looks good and knows it; it struts its stuff in the parade of life.” David R. Hawkins
Our mind is biased whether we’re conscious of it or not, and our personal preferences set the tone.
What one considers worthy differs for each of us and is mostly determined by a predisposed mind.
Our upbringing and social environment dictate our view of the world, of power and success, achievement and failure.
Therefore we might not feel the same if we were brought up in a rich suburb of Paris or a poor neighborhood in Kolkata.
Inflation vs. Deflation
What is sought after here might not be somewhere else; however the feeling it triggers stays the same.
Pride relies on comparison, it implies certain things when put on a scale hold more of value than others.
Our being satisfied with ourselves is sparked by the gratification that comes with attaining them. But is it justified?
If we are to deserve the feeling we might want to be involved in the ranking process, to think it through.
Thoughts of Pride
“Pride dwells in the thought; the tongue can have but a very little share in it.” Michel de Montaigne
In effect one can find the same sense of satisfaction in many ways, it doesn’t need to be particularly special.
We can relate to certain milestones like graduating, reaching a certain position, attaining financial independence, marriage, the birth of a child.
Other sources of gratifications can be as simple as restraining from anger for a day, finishing a project, or quit smoking.
Regardless what it is that makes you feel good about yourself, it has to do with certain concepts.
Know what makes you tick
We hold on and adopt specific ideas as to what will make us happy, these become our wants and needs.
Needless to say, these often have to do with we what think will makes us more notable, special and better.
Basically we set the bar, our intention provides the energy to work for it, when we get there we feel fantastic.
Thinking about our accomplishment amplifies the feeling and that can turn a authentic sense of satisfaction into self-pride.
The Arrogance of Self-pride
“Self-pride is the tendency to see ourselves as the bump on the universe.” Ben Connelly, Norman Fischer
When you start using big words to relate to yourself and your achievements, you’re probably going through a ‘big head’ moment.
If your vocabulary is full of superlatives and you tend to exaggerate certain details while minimizing others, beware…
The inflation of the sense of self and the distortions it creates as to how it perceives itself brings about arrogance.
The longer you nurture these thoughts the more it will impact how you act, talk and relate with others.
Unattractive is the word
Engrossed with deluded ideas of specialness, you become pompous, less friendly, judgmental and unpleasant.
Looking down on people, finding flaws in everyone, pointing at their weaknesses instead strengths are amongst self-pride’s favorite pass time.
Self-pride shows its ugliness in passive aggressive behavior, defensiveness, division and manipulation.
Often prone to the paranoia and stress of losing face, it becomes primarily concern with securing its position at all cost.
Humility ~ the way out
“If you don’t think of being superior to others, you won’t be inferior to them.” Zen master Bankei
If you catch yourself in a fit of egocentricity, captivated by your incredible feats, do not forget…
No matter how extraordinary you think you are, someone somewhere thinks the same, nothing special there.
What you’re celebrating as your greatest achievement yet, might turn out to be the source of future frustrations.
Mind training tell us that the way to preserve ourselves is through humility, contentment but not the extreme of vanity.
Everything is relative
Misplaced pride is always on the defensive, it needs to ascertain its status; it is irritable and reactive to criticism.
Unfortunately it is blind to the fact that, above one’s position there is always some other title to attain.
We lose track of what counts because our focus is set on the label rather than on the aptitudes it represent.
Instead of keeping your eyes on the prize, check whether or not it is of real value, concentrate on what does.
Be proud of who you are
“What you think, you become.” Buddha
One should think long and hard before adopting anyone’s standard, even if it comes from high places and everyone agrees.
The same stands with our own ideals and the collection of principals that make-up our best possible self.
Inventory what you consider as admirable, what would make you feel really proud? Look at your list, what does it tell you?
Next, pick one and sit with it in meditation, imagine what it entails, good and bad, does it add value to you?
Quality is always better
What we want is a lasting a sense of fulfilment, one that stands the test of time, one that endures change.
We can only find it when we put our attention on quality rather than quantity, less on the label more on content.
Anyone can take your labels away but your merits will last as long as you apply yourself at nurturing them.
Find pride in your innate goodness and compassion, in your growing wisdom and understanding, in you being a decent human beingॐ
Nathalie Bizawi, founder of Wisdom & Mindfulness meditation center. Senior Meditation, Mindfulness and philosophy instructor, From Wingate Academic College. M.A in Education from TAU University, Tel Aviv.
Wisdom & Mindfulness your meditation center in Tel Aviv